The When Harry Met Sally Syndrome - can men and women be best friends?

[daisy]

Ok, IGOOers...need your input on this topic. Do you believe men and women can be best friends? Do you think that friendships continuously change and eventually one will fall for the other? Is it easier for women to be friends with a guy or vice versa? Why can't guys figure out what they want? ;)

[bulgogs]

hi daisy! long time no hear...

anyhow, once you remove the possibility of sex from the equation (lack of attraction, chemistry, etc), then its def. possible to be friends.

Otherwise, its somewhat dicey. ppl get jealous, misinterpreted signs or expectations, etc.

Btw, is Meg Ryan completely typecast as an idiot "i need a man" dumb biotch for her entire career? jeez she makes me sick to my stomach. tongue.gif

[daisy]

Don't make fun of Meg, I think she plays some sweet characters that always end up getting her man ;) hehehehe...how is work? haven't talked to you in a while...

[Buttercup]

its not possible.

[Apex]

I agree with bulgogs that if there is an attraction by either party then it's kinda tough for a man and woman to be friends. Someone will eventually be hurt by certain expectations, jealousy, etc. in the friendship. It's also much harder for the attracter to be friends with the attractee.

The best thing, imo, is to just be honest with each other from the beginning. If s/he has feelings for the friend, then s/he should tell him/her. You may not always receive the answer you want, but at least you're being straight up with each other. Once the air is clear in the friendship you'll know where you both stand in that friendship and you can take it from there.

[jazzen]

Sexual tension? :confused:

[chungtita]

i agree with buttercup. unless the man is gay, a la will and grace (but that's tv land too, so maybe even those types of relationships are tricky).

bulgogs basically just gave you harry's answer regurgitated.

honesty -- yes! but difficult to achieve when it comes to matters of the heart.

as for the possibility of a friendship between a guy and a gal turning into something more, well, i do think it is possible and know of a couple success stories, but in all likelihood, people (usually women) who wait around in hopes of something more are doomed. what you see is often what you get.

i think meg ryan is a little on the lame side too but she did play less of a flaky chick in "When a Man Loves a Woman" with Andy Garcia (heart throb, throb). She was an alcoholic and already married with kid.

[chidae]

it can happen. I have a close circle of friends that I keep in touch with regularly (we've been friends since high school), 3 guys and 3 gals. Now I know there was tension between one of the guys and one of the girls, but for the most part everything is platonic.

One thing to note is that of the women 2 are now married and of the guys 1 is now engaged.

So, to answer the question: can a guy and girl be friends? Maybe, there's a lot of factors that need to be taken into account (just as Bulgogs and Apex pointed out).

[RedVoodooMan]

guy and girl? what about lesbians and girls and guys with gays? Same deal, I suppose...

wondering how the lesbian situation in the 80's show is gonna play out...

[acuran]

Hey... it is totally possible for friendship to last. It will work out if you make up your mind that you two will only be best friends and that is it. I say this because it happens to me. I got two girls that was my bestfriends and they had an attraction for me, but I never took advantage of it. I wouldn't feel right if I did start something romantic with either one of them. So am saying that men and women can be best friends.

[changlee]

Unless both the men and the women are physically repulsive, they cannot be best friends. One will eventually develop "more than friends" feeling, especially if they're not attached. If one of them are attached I don't think it's a good idea to have the other as your best friend.

[Soul_Solstice]

Some friends can become lovers, and some friends can remain as friends. It all depends on the two parties involved and what they deem to be the "right path" in continuing the friendship ~ a friendship of mutual love and respect as pals, or a friendship that calls for more of an intimate and emotional, as well as physical, connection.

The great thing about us as humans are our diversity. Many people will choose to value the steadfast friendship that UNinvolvement can usually guarantee, while others will dive into unknown and unchartered waters called "romance" with a friend in hand to see if this "steadfast friendship" mentioned above can evolve into something even more impregnable.

Both choices are praiseworthy IF the hearts are truly content in what they have decided upon.

Just trust in your heart and let the heart speak for itself. This issue may not be such a "Can be friends" or "Can't be friends" type deal after all.

;)

[ February 26, 2002: Message edited by: Soul_Solstice ]

[james]

[ February 28, 2002: Message edited by: james ]

[Eliza]

Okay, I'm putting in my two cents again... though I'm scared I'll be opening up a new Pandora's box of "rage" and emotion... but I like this discussion, so tongue.gif

I used to swear up and down that women and men could be best friends for life... I have a handful of the greatest guy friends ever... my best friends, in a sense, since they've known me for 10+ years and stuck by me throughout even when I wronged them... (an old gongju-type habit of mine that I hope I've outgrown). The thought of dating any of them makes me want to gag and the feeling is mutual. We're like family!

But I learned recently when two of my guy friends finally got serious girlfriends (I was starting to wonder about them) that it's really too hard for girls and guys to be best friends... not because of sexual tensions... but because of future spouses.

If life was just about only the girl's feelings and only the guy's feelings (my "life in a vaccuum" hypothetical), girls and guys could be friends for life... no problem!! But now add into the equation family expectations of dating and marriage by a certain age, plus the insecurities of each person's girlfriend or boyfriend, plus each person's own changing view of the world and level of maturity... and what have you got??? Total chaos! :D Well, not exactly...

But I found out I couldn't be "best friends" any longer with my guy friends because I was a threat to their girlfriends since I had a 10+ year history with them and got along well with their families... And I know some of you are thinking... "Well, that's the girlfriends' problem..." But no, it isn't. My friends are happiest being with those girls. And since they're my friends, I want what makes them happy... even if it means severing the friendship... or rather severing the closeness of it. We'll always be friends. But best friends... no, not in the post-education stage of our lives. We can't be any longer. Their wives should be their best friends.... just as I would want my future husband to be my best friend.

Dang, that was heavy... on a lighter note, I think Meg's a cutie... dumb as a doorknob and very one-dimensional as an actress.... but CUTE. Who else can have messy hair syndrome and still look good?